My honey-bee.

There are many strong words I could use to describe my first born daughter. Stubborn, adamant, know-it-all, confident, brilliant, emotional, contrary... But with all the strong words comes a person who is strong willed, determined, and big-hearted. She continues to show us how much she is capable of. No matter how strong-willed she can be, she will always be our little Christmas Gift we brought home on Christmas Day.

I was 19 years old and a newbie to the Marriage Scene. Having just been married three months, we were in a whirlwind of romance, and were just beginning life as a couple. Little did we know we were in for a shock.

I have this vivid memory of watching television one morning on my day off, and seeing a Johnsons and Johnsons commercial about a baby. Ordinarily, this would not affect me. Today was different. Once the commercial aired, I immediately started tearing up. I was incredibly emotional, which isn't unknown to happen with me, but this time it was different. I felt intense feelings for the world the commercial was painting of babies and motherhood. The words "Having a baby changes everything" came accross the screen. After wiping the tears from my eyes, I walked into my bathroom, with a pillow in tow. I proceeded to place the pillow under my shirt in a belly-like shape, as if I was with child. Why did I do this? I was only 19 years old, and the thought of children was not prevalent in my head at all. Sure, I had envisioned it before. I was newly married and I think most women go through the idea of family in their future. But this was a complete random occurrence, and something I had never even thought of doing. I stared at myself with a gleeful heart and thought, "Someday this will be me".

A few days later my husband and I went to a friend's house, Troy, to spend the weekend in San Antonio. We had a great time. Alcohol, music, ice cream, steak, and sushi, and stupid antics of youth. We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. I remember wanting Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream SO bad. I wanted it badly enough, I talked about it all night. This was important because I was not a fan of this particular flavor. I did eventually get some.

A week or so later, I was enjoying my favorite lunch that I had been eating for about a week on and off. Tuna salad wraps with cucumber slices. I spent about 10 minutes making them, and proceeded to sit down and watch X-Play and eat my lunch. I took one bite of the wrap and immediately felt nauseous. "Whoa", I thought. My stomach is usually an iron trap, so I thought that this was a very strange happening. I could not eat my food that afternoon, when just days before I was loving every bite.

One day while at work, my mother came to see me. She proceeded to stare a hole through my stomach with this glare that said "there is something going on". She told me I looked pregnant. I told her no way!

I continued to have weird occurrences, but mostly blew them off. Not ever having had these things happen never dawned on me as being alarming. That's when I noticed I had not started my monthly cycle. I went to the calendar to check dates. When was it due? How late was I? Immediately my heart jumped into my throat. I was one whole week late.
My first instinct was to call my mom, but I knew I should discuss it with my husband Adam first. I called him at work, as he was not supposed to be home for another few hours and I absolutely could not wait. I was freaking out! I had been drinking the weeks leading up to this. What effect would that have on me if I was in fact, pregnant? Pregnant?! Those words had never been uttered by my mouth. Perish the thought! I informed Adam of the late period, and he calmly told me we would go to the store to buy a test that night, just to ease our minds. I was absolutely terrified!

That night after he got off work, Adam and I went to Target to buy the test. I was no nervous, and I kept flashing my wedding ring inconspicuously (or so I hoped) to anyone in the feminine aisle. I was so embarrassed being so young, thinking that people would think I was an unwed woman looking to take a pregnancy test. My mind was going places it had never been before. I was a wreck when I picked up the Clear Blue Easy Digital test, and placed it, along with some feminine products (just in case), onto the conveyor belt for purchase.

I do not remember our conversations that night pending the use of the test, or even if we did converse. I just remember being a complete mess of emotions. I went to the bathroom with the test, unwrapped the package, and began. The instructions were ridiculously detailed. I made sure to follow them to the letter, you know, just to be sure I did it right. As I tell everyone, the moment I used the test, I knew what the answer was. My heart was racing. My hands were shaking violently. I knew the answer, yet I walked out of the bathroom to let the test finish. I walked out and paced around the room a bit. Three minutes later I went back in to check the test, hoping it said something other than what I saw. I walked in, and there it was, plain as day. Positive.
I was violently shaking, and giggling all at once, when I walked out to tell Adam the news. He embraced me and told me it was okay, and this was a blessing, not a curse. For some reason, I still felt like it was evil, or irresponsible for us to be pregnant only three months after our marriage. But regardless, we were about to walk down a new path in our relationship; Parenthood.

I had many symptoms plaguing me during my pregnancy with Jessica. Morning Sickness, swelling, aches and pains. One really bizarre happening was that my nose spread out wide like it had been pulled on from each nostril to create this sort of smashed looking thing. It was one thing I really did not enjoy about my pregnancy. I envied the cute pregnant ladies who never gained a pound, or felt beautiful while being with child. I did not experience this, and it didn't seem fair. I believed in the saying, "you're eating for two".

Entering into the last few weeks of my pregnancy I tried all the old wive's tales to try to induce my labor. We had sex, I ate bags of licorice candies, I drank red raspberry tea, ate spicy food, walked a TON. Yet, none of these things made me spring into labor. Instead, I entered my 40th week of pregnancy a miserable blob of a woman. My doctor did not believe I was "big enough" to push out my baby if she was any later, and being a new mom, I was inclined to believe in him. So I was induced on a cold winter morning in 2004.

My labor was hard. I tried so hard to go all natural, but I was exhausted and completely overwhelmed. After 11 hours of labor, I opted for the epidural.
She was born on a snowy night, with a head full of hair, and a scream that would wake the whole hospital. Life was new.

As a baby, she cried a lot. I remember her screaming so long one day Adam went at 11pm to find teething tablets, as our last resort. I remember she would stare at you with disgust when you tried to make her smile. She loved squash, and then cashews as a toddler. She would bring me the container of nuts and say "ish ish ish ee doo?" for "cashew". Her face can still be found with a look of concern, or thoughtful process, on a daily basis. Constantly evaluating and disecting the situation to find it's core meaning.

Once when she was about 10 months old, she was hospitalized for an infection. It was horrible, and terrifying. No one wants their child to be sick. I slept in the hospital bed with her in my arms, and just prayed she would heal. She recovered quickly, and everything came back negative with tests. Although it was short, it was a memory that burns in my mind. I have learned to trust my instincts from this situation.

Her personality has been consistent in many ways since birth. As a baby she was stubborn. She knows what she wants, and won't settle. It's a battle of wills with her. But, this is what makes her Jessica, and it is her drive and determination that I hope will someday get her far in life.

She has had many fun times, stressful situations, and now she is dealing with the deployment of her father at an age when he should be teaching her to ride her bike, and see her off to her first day of preschool. Though through these hard times, she has had the maximum strength and courage a child could bear this young. She has not ceased to amaze me, or her father, at her ability to survive. She hides her emotions through a thick wall that I take care in breaking down when I feel it is needed. She is a resilient little girl.

She's been through four moves since being born, and lived in three different states. She's traveled to her Nana and Papa's house enough to plot the trip on her own. She's survived through chicken pox, having only had four. Been the only person in the family to not get sick many many times. Spent many nights crying for her Daddy. Talked to me for three hours about anything and everything without taking more than two breaths. Grasped her fear of water with a tight reign, and graduated to being able to "swim" with a floaty. She is an incredible help to me since I've had Oliver. And she has a fierce love for Hannah Montana, dress up, the color purple, and Jewelry. She can memorize lyrics to a song faster than anyone I know, and loves to sing along. She looks so much like her Grandmother, Sandra, it is uncanny.

My life with her has been a road of learning. With many bumps, and curves on the road.We are a lot alike. She received my stubbornness, and my my way or the highway attitude. She is my little friend, and I love her dearly. She is my brilliant, resilient, courageous, loving, and strong daughter, and she gives the most amazing hugs.